Fluff is a great and underestimated word, Four letters yet a millions answers....
Throughout my life I have mainly been concentrating on Belly Button Fluff. This glorious tasty fluff has been around since the dinosaur’s and some believe it is as more powerful than the pen and the sword put together!
Below are my Three top tips on how to use Belly Button Fluff to beat the credit crunch:
1. Need to insulate your house? Ask your Ten closest friends to collect their Belly Button Fluff for a week, then in week Two do the same but ask your Ten closest friends to ask their Ten closest friends to do the same, and so on continue for 4 weeks.
By the end of week Four you will of had nearly 10,000 people collecting their belly fluff for you. This is enough to do half the roof, simply spray with Fabreeze, lick and put into place. If your fluff is the standard 270mm Depth you will save about £205 a year, since you only have enough to do half thats still over £100.
You only have half a roof done, and yes you will loose loads of energy and cause upwards of a tonne in carbon emissions but you still save over £100, that’s 200 Kinder Egg's.
2. Clothes for little one's. Old people love to Knit, its stop them thinking about when they will die, this lack of faith in religion is your loop hole to saving money. So what do you do? Ask your Ten closest friends to collect their Belly Button Fluff for a week, then in week Two do the same but ask your Ten closest friends to ask their Ten closest friends to do the same, and so on continue for 4 weeks. Make sure to ask friends with different taste sin fashion, this will allow for a wider variety of new clothes to be made by the old wife’s. Old people love different colours, it reminds them of before the war.
Now you have nearly 2kg's of fluff. Remember there is no need to wash this stuff, just fabreeze it and it will be fine. There is no need to spin it either, the old women will do this for you. You need to get the fluff in there, to do this find or buy a young boy. Advise him to look lost and send him in to the knitting club.
Old people love young people as they see it as an opportunity to steal their youth from them. When the old women flock round the child swap our the professionally yarned knitting wool with the belly fluff you have collected. Regardless of what your thinking at this point, stick to the plan and destroy the proper knitting wool.
You will need to get the boy out of there, a plan is to tie some thick rope around the lads waist and pull him out. If the old women are wise and have taken the rope form the boy then best forget he ever existed as you wont get him back.
The final part of the plan is to break in knitting club around 3am when the wife’s are asleep, you will find up to between 4-6 newly knitted belly fluff fleece’s in various sizes. A fleece of this size could market for upwards of £6 so depending on how much you paid for the boy a potential saving of over £35.
3. Benefit thief? If so belly fluff is your answer... Ever thought about looking pregnant to gain extra benefits? I know I have. The key is to make the fluff baby look as real as possible, here is how yo do it. Ask your Ten closest friends to collect their Belly Button Fluff for a week, then in week Two do the same but ask your Ten closest friends to ask their Ten closest friends to do the same, and so on continue for 4 weeks.
After four week's you will have about 2kg's of the fluff, make sure not to Febreeze it this time. Wash the fluff and then let it dry. Once dry cover it in a mix of Barbecue sauce, flour and Mustard. Once the mix had adhered to the fluff try and make the shape of a unborn baby out of it. I find it easy to make the arms and legs separate to the head and body.
Once you have made all the body parts tie it all together with some red liquorice lace. The next part sounds difficult but with plenty of lubricant it can be done. No cover the fluff baby is lube and force it down your throat. Once settled you will notice your stomach has grown much larger, now go to the doctor and tell him you think your pregnant.
He will notice the signs of your enlarged belly and also the smell of sick form when you threw up trying to force the baby head into your mouth. He will then send you to have a scan, this is the clever bit. Not a lot of people know that fluff has the same consistency as an unborn child. Even to the highly eye of the nurse your fluff baby will look real.
Now get yourself down the social and get your money.
Using simple tips like these you could dramatically change your lifestyle.